Finish the sentence with Jake and Holly & life updates

I seriously need to see the doctor about my depression/anxiety and insomnia.  Why?  Right now the only way for me to sleep through the night is by taking some benadryl before bed (which is the active ingredient in Tylenol PM and most OTC sleep aids, btw).  Apparently the other night it was a little too effective because I have absolutely no recollection of my alarm going off until I looked at my cell phone and saw that it was 6:15.  My alarm starts going off at 5:45.  So I must've hit it six times without having any recollection of the event.  Um...  yeah.  

I have just over a month until I start my new job.  I finally turned in my HR paperwork on my day off so I guess that *actually* makes it official.  There are about 500 things I will need to do between now and then but hey, they'll get done.  At some point.  I hope.  

And on to the reason most of those reading this wound up at my neck of the woods...

1. If I had one extra hour in the day...  I would sleep.  Or so I tell myself.  In all likelihood, that extra hour would wind up being dedicated to facebook and reading blogs.  

2. I wish my name...  was not so freaking common!  My parents thought they were being really original with the name Caitlin... only for it to be a top ten name for the next sixteen or so years.  What would I choose for myself?  Hmmm...  Harmony.  or something really strange like Bunny Starmuffins.  

3. I think anything chevron is... cute.  But also way over done.  I like chevron but part of me can't wait for it to be over as a trend.

4. My last nightmare... was about work.  I have nightmares about work almost every night.  I know I'm lame.  Feel free to psychoanalyze me.  No, seriously.  Diagnose my craziness and send me to the loony bin.  Maybe I'll finally sleep through the night.  

5. Sometimes... I fantasize about eating everything I want again.  And then I remember that I gain weight by imagining that I ate ice cream.  And I already took in/gave away all of my fat pants so that plan is out.  

6. My last meal on earth would be... lobster, macaroni and cheese, bread with lots of butter, and lots of ice cream.  BRING ON THE CARBS AND FAT!!!!

7. I would much rather be smart than pretty.  I happen to be both but I think my brain serves me a lot better.  

8. Mayonnaise... is a wonderful condiment.  And also a fantastic hair conditioner.  Just don't leave it out in the sun.  

9. 10 years ago, I didn't think... I would be anything like my parents.  Granted, I was thirteen and when you are thirteen, being like your nice, reasonably successful parents is the last thing you want in the world.  About that...  Now I am quite happy to be compared to my mother who is a fantastic lady.  

10. Selfishly... I hope I win the lottery.  But I think everyone thinks that so hmm.  Selfishly I would really like my family to disappear for one day a week and let me have the house to myself so I can do my laundry, watch endless movies without interruption and crank the AC so the temp inside is below 70.  Sounds like heaven.  And also sounds impossible.  

11. My favorite show on TV right now... is not Glee.  Or any reality TV show.  In fact, I watch mostly reruns of all shows on Netflix.  So I'll go with NCIS since that one actually airs on TV and I don't deeply resent recent casting changes (like I do with Law and Order: SVU). 

12. And, George Zimmerman... is not a police officer like half of the people on the internet seem to think.  He was a neighborhood watchman.  I would also say he probably belongs in jail, but I'm not sure he should've been charged with murder II... Probably manslaughter I.  To be fair, with the string of break ins in the neighborhood, I probably would've been suspicious of someone I didn't know walking around the neighborhood as well, but I would not have pulled out a gun and shot them.  

'Til next time, folks.

An unpopular choice

For those of you who missed the memo, I am a strong, faithful follower of Christ.  While far from perfect, I seek to emulate Christ with how I live my life by walking in his ways and following God's laws.  There is a misconception, I think, that God's law somehow limits personal freedom.  In some ways, sure it does.  Yet, in other ways living within God's law creates freedom.  What do I mean?  

One of the least popular of God's "rules" is that sex belongs inside the union of marriage.  Think about our society.  Sex is portrayed in the media as no big deal.  In a movie, when the hero and heroine sleep together after they've barely had an opportunity to know each other, it's expected.  Part of being a liberated woman is now accepting your sexuality and throwing it out there for all the world to see.  That's what you see the women on TV and in the movies doing, right?  Having one night stands and sleeping with a different guy every night, giving it up in a drunken stupor.  

Tell me this though.  Do even the characters on the screen seem fulfilled by this?  If this is really how we are supposed to be expressing our sexuality, then why do we celebrate marriage?  We're just limited our sexual freedom, right?  

I am twenty-three, a college graduate, a feminist, and... a virgin.  Yes, you read correctly.  I made a promise to God that I would wait until marriage to share that part of myself with another.  I've had boyfriends, not many but a few, and they all respected (if not exactly supported) my position.  It's not always been easy; I have been tempted like every other human being.  There is freedom in my choice.  What freedom?  The freedom to not worry about an STD, or a surprise pregnancy, or whether the person I just slept with really cares or just wanted booty.  When I do get married, and do have sex, I will not have to worry that this relationship is fleeting, that any moment could be the end.  

You may think I'm crazy, or naive, or stupid.  It's okay.  There is a quote that I saw some where that said, "I think the concept of virginity was created by men who thought their penises were so important it changes who a woman is."  I have two things to say about this.  Number one:  men can be virgins two, and God expects the same standard of sexual morality out of both men and women.  Number two:  Being a virgin doesn't change who I am.  It doesn't define me as a person.  Sex is something I choose to refrain from, like some people refrain from eating meat.  My life isn't centered around my (lack of) sex life.  I am living my life under God's and my terms.  When I get married, that relationship will doubtlessly change my life in many ways; it will become part of my life.  

So there it is.  I'm not saying my choice is popular.  I know plenty of people, plenty of Christians, even, who have made a different choice.  And that's okay.  Your choices are between you, God, and your partner.  

Blessings,

Fun Facts Friday: Top Ten Places I want to Visit

So some of these places I have visited, and some of them I haven't.  But this is my list so I can do what I want.  

1.  Disney World

I am a child, clearly, because I've been to Disney World twice is recent history and yet I am still desperate to go back again. In fact, we're making plans to go back again. I just love it there; It's the happiest place on earth.  

Source:  http://www.wdwforgrownups.com/articles/breakfast-princesses-disney-world

2.  Oxford, UK

The second place on this list I have actually visited.  I miss those winding streets.  There are so many things I meant to do while I was there that I just... didn't.  So I want to go stay in a hostel and visit the museums I never went to, and also the ones I did.  Relive the golden days.  Please.  

Source:  http://acmrs.org/academic-programs/oxford

3. Dublin, Ireland

The capitol of Ireland.  It is full of beautiful statues and parks, museums, shops, and pubs.  And drunk Irishmen.  I would love to go for St. Patrick's Day some year.  Meet my Irish roots and see the rolling hills of green.  Also, I would love to find a leprechaun and get a pot of gold.  

Source:  http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/travel/countries/ireland-photos/

4.  Nice, France

Nice (pronounced "nees"), is on the south coast of France and has white sand beaches and azure blue waters on the Mediterranean.  The weather is apparently lovely almost always, and there is a Matisse museum, plus excellent shopping and places to visit.  

Source:  http://travelandtourismguide.com/things-to-do-in-nice-france/

5.  Bruges, Belgium

Bruges is a canaled city in Belgium.  It is used frequently for historical films.  There are awesome museums, and even a hotel that was once a palace.  I would love to go around Christmas time when they have a wonderful Christmas market, complete with ice skating rink.  

Source:  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/destinations/europe/belgium/9640731/Bruges-Belgium-under-the-spell-of-the-Middle-Ages.html

6.  Paris, France

The Eiffel Tower, the Lourve, Notre Dame, The Paris opera house, and French pastries.  A stereotypical dream destination but I still want to go.  Sounds like fun, don't you think?  Maybe a nice French musician will sucumb to my American charms.  

Source:  http://topwalls.net/paris-france/

7.  Venice, Italy 

So Venice is comprised of a group of small islands, full of canals, and is sinking into the sea.  So I would like to go see it now before it becomes one with the ocean.  Preferably with my imaginary husband by my side for a romantic gondola ride.  

Source:  http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/italy/images/33084425/title/beautifulness-venice-photo

8.  St. Petersburg, Russia

I want to see those gorgeous onion domes for myself.  I want to see the old palace and brave the cold of Northern Russia.  Maybe get a fur coat.  

Source:  http://famouswonders.com/st-petersburg/

9.  Edinburgh, Scotland

The Capitol city of Scotland, full of old buildings, winding streets, beautiful churches and museums, pubs, shops, etc.  Many wonderful sites to see.  

Source:  http://www.experienceenglish.com/our-schools/edinburgh

10. Chernobyl/Pripyat, Ukraine

I know this makes me a freak of nature but I really want to go see the falling apart city and watch nature taking over what man has created.  There's even a broken down carnival!  

Source:  http://villageofjoy.com/chernobyl-today-a-creepy-story-told-in-pictures/

It's all about perspective...

I am a terrible blogger and you should all probably hate me and throw rocks at me for my failure to, you know, post with regularity.  Yet somehow my page views are up?  Mysteries never cease.  I'm still crazy busy with work and all the driving and the exhaustion and whatnot.  Sorry this blog has fallen by the way side.  

So I am working as a bank teller for the summer which is a surprisingly stressful job.  You think it's just counting money and smiling at customers but it's way more than that.  There are all kinds of rules of things I can and cannot do, most of which I cannot discuss.  Mistakes can be costly.  It is very stressful at times, especially for me, the raging perfectionist.  

Let me be clear.  I do not consider myself to be perfect, by any means at all.  There has only been one perfect person, and he died on a cross for me.  I have screwed up in a thousand and one ways, like most people.  I am no better or worse than anybody else.  The issue, I think, is how I react to my mistakes.  

The perfectionist in me does not like to let myself move on from mistakes.  Rather than saying "well that sucks" and moving on, I have the tendency to obsess over every minute error I have made.  I have trouble shutting down the inner monologue often times, no matter how many times others reassure me (or I reassure myself) that it is okay.  

I suffer from depression and have been on and off medication/therapy for such since I was sixteen.  Just like the chicken and the egg, I'm not sure which came first:  the depression or the perfectionism/anxiety.  They are most certainly tied, right down to the chemical imbalance in my brain.  It comes down to a lovely chemical called serotonin.  A flood of that little chemical can cause feelings of anxiety and irritability.  The flood dissipates and suddenly depression sets in.  Back and forth, back and forth.  

I've been in an "off" phase with medicine lately which I like because I don't have to remember to take the pills or deal with the side effects.  Lately, however, I've been thinking that the fatigue (often pretty severe) would probably be worth it to lessen the extreme anxious feelings.  More than you probably wanted to know, I'm sure.  

Through all of this, I try my level best to find positivity.  I try to focus on the blessings God has given me in my life rather than my shortcomings.  I am not always successful--I'm not perfect, afterall--but I know that no matter how bad I think things are, God has blessed me and I have wonderful life.  

A wonderful, super busy life.  So sorry if the posts are a little scattered.  Ta-ta for now.

Fun Facts Friday: Five Blogs I Follow

This is not an all inclusive list.  It isn't really ranked either.  These are just ten of the blogs that I follow, the ones I would probably consider to be my favorites.  

1.  Pinstrosity

Two fantastic ladies experiment with things they find on Pinterest and also post about other people's pinterest disasters.  Much hilarity.  

2.  Hubby Jack's Blog Attack

Hubby Jack (aka Chris Stanfield) designed my blog and it's gorgeous.  He is also hilarious in making fun of all of the blog women out there.  Of which I am one but still...

3.  ReFashionista

One of my sewing inspirations.  She takes extremely ugly thrift store finds and transforms them into something awesome that she actually wears in public.  

4.  Young House Love

This couple rocks.  They DIY massive projects in their house and blog about it and their lives.  It's fantastic and they bought a new house with horrible blue trim that they are making over.  

5.  Sugar Bee Crafts

So many cute crafts and posts by Mandy, a very nice lady.  She is also a silhouette blogger and does all kinds of cool stuff.

I follow a lot of blogs so this is not an all inclusive list by any means.  These are just five of the ones that I check every single day so they deserve a shout out from me... for whatever it's worth :)

Still Alive... I think.

So to make a long story short, I am not dead.  You can rest easy that I am not off decaying some where which is preventing you all from hearing my wonderful literary voice.  I'm just tired.  

I started a new job as a bank teller not quite a month ago.  I enjoy the job most of the time but there are challenges and I am driving an hour each way to work.  This means I get up at 5:30 each morning, leaving the house at 7, and return home around 6:30PM.  I get 45 minutes for lunch where I attempt to not fall asleep with my face in my plate of leftovers and drink way too much coffee.  Upon arriving home, I usually eat dinner very soon after arriving, and then collapse into a heap of exhausted Caitlin, going to be by 9:30 most nights, only to be awoken by Fonzie, our dog, scratching at the door.  

I also recently got a new job for next school year.  I'll skip the details for now.  I've been hired but I haven't officially signed the paperwork yet.  But I'm very excited and mildly terrified but it will be great.  

So the down side of my taking this teller ob is that I really don't get a vacation this summer.  I had planned to go to Creation and also to go on a mission trip come August but that isn't going to happen.  I also can't teach Vacation Bible School this summer either...  

I will try to be a bit more reliable in posting but unfortunately, I can make no promises.  blargh.  Anyway.  Have a good week, all.  

Dearest Darlingest 21 year old Caitlin,

I know it hasn't been all that long.  After all, I'm only 23 now, but trust me, I have some things to say about how you have been handling your life so listen up.  

First of all, congratulations on being in a foreign country to celebrate your 21st birthday.  You really ought to make it something really fun though.  When your choir friends tell you they want to take you clubbing, say yes.  Just go.  Even if you hate it, you'll regret not going.  Also, why in the world didn't you go to see Phantom of the Opera in London?  That was really stupid.  I know you're a homebody (trust me, I am too) but you really need to get out more.  Also, communicate better with John whatshisface about your composition class because it will save you over dramatic tears at the end of the semester.  

Also, dearheart, do not go to North Carolina for spring break.  Seriously, don't do it because you will almost ruin an awesome friendship in the process, shed a lot of tears, and spend a LOT of money to come home.  I know it sounds like a great idea but trust me, you don't want to.  It may be lame but go spend some time at home with your mama.  You'll be very grateful later on; a storm is coming.  

Do not, under any circumstances, agree to get the Hainer apartment with Chelsea, Nikki, and Meri.  Don't.  It will not end especially well because you are about to be under a lot of pressure.  Get Meri to agree to a nice room in the Gough penthouses.  Or better yet, just get a single, girl.  You won't regret it, even thought it means a community bathroom (blegh).  Also, embrace that you are going to have a summer roommate, despite what you asked for.  It will be okay.  

When you go to the rennaissance faire, wear sunscreen.  You are pale, whitey mcwhiteington.  You seriously need the sunscreen.  Speaking of the ren faire, don't fall for short bagpipe playing boys.  You will be brokenhearted.  

Spend more time at home with mama.  You won't regret it.  

PRACTICE PIANO DAGNABBIT!  YOU WILL SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY REGRET NOT PASSING YOUR PIANO PROFICIENCY AND WILL BE STUCK AT HOME FOR A LONG TIME.  DO IT! 

Most of all, honey bunny, don't worry about the little things.  It will all be okay eventually.