I will fear no evil, for my God is with me

Forgive me for my abrupt reentry into the blogosphere. If only it were for a better reason... I say none of this lightly, as if this were an easy thing for me to deal with. On the contrary, I am at the place where my faith and fear collide with each other. I will choose through all of this to have faith that God can work even through this.

After five months of weight loss and lack of appetite, my mom has finally been diagnosed with something we were not expecting: small cell lung cancer. Lung cancer, as a whole, is among the deadliest of cancers. Small cell lung cancer is particularly so with a five year survival rate of less than 1%. I am facing the reality that if statistics are true, I will lose my mother before I turn 26.

Still, I remind myself that less than 1% is still a chance, a chance that my mom will be around for many years to come. I unashamedly ask God for what most doctors would consider to be a miracle and I am reminded that God has worked through many seemingly impossible circumstances. The walls of Jericho, David and Goliath, the death and Life of Christ. There is always hope, even as I face what seems impossible.

I humbly ask you, dear reader, whoever you are, whatever you are doing, to take a moment and pray for my mom right now. Pray for healing, for peace, for comfort, for wisdom, and for God's provision. May God's light be shown even in the darkest of circumstances...

If my God is with me, whom then shall I fear, whom then shall I fear?

A softer landing...

So, I apologize that for the last two months of being in oxford, I didn't post anything. I got caught up in the work and the people and the places and the libraries. Oxford was... is... magical.

I'm feeling particularly nostalgic today as I close that chapter and get ready to open a new one: back to eastern in less than a week. I have missed my friends and my professors and even work. Now, I miss my friends and my professors from Oxford. My heart has grown bigger because there are more people and places to love.

The experience was exciting and scary and fun and exhausting and aggravating and uplifting all at the same time. I wouldn't trade it for anything. For all the bad that happened this year, I would not give up 2010 for anything.

A bounce in my step and a song in my heart

So... It's been waaaaaay too long since I updated. Sorry to the few who have actually been reading! Basically, I had a whirlwind of paper writing prior to the pre-term break which sucked my soul out through my left eye socket. Said soul was returned to me over Pre-term break, in which I went to the Lake District with Simon and a few other students. It was amazing and absolutely beautiful. I had so much fun and actually got to relax! What a novel concept...

It is now full term. I have two tutorials. My primary is 'Topics in Music History after 1700' and my secondary in 'Techniques of Composition.' My tutor for the former is very nice and I have had one tutorial so far in which I don't think I embarrassed myself too much. My composition tutorial is not until Tuesday though and I'm afraid I may embarrass myself with that one. I am definitely very unsure of the quality of the string quartet which I am turning in. Oh well...

I'm sorry this is so short but I need to get some work done. Hopefully I'll write some tomorrow...

But ah! Forget my fate...

So I have not been nearly so faithful in my blog updates as I had hoped to be. Oh well. Perhaps I shall grow to be better at updating the world at large of my goings-on. In the meantime, I do have quite a bit of real academic writing to complete by Thursday 8.00.

My Henry Purcell paper is blessedly complete (well, the first draft, anyway...) and I am more than halfway through my Ralph Vaughan Williams paper. They are all that stand between me and my vacation. Well, them and more Schama. Tomorrow I need to head over to Headington Shops after our lectures are over in order to purchase knitting needles. I cannot go on vacation in England without some sort of project to work on.

I baked cinnamon rolls last night. They turned out alright although they are not my favorite baking adventure thus far. I think that would have to go to the nutella crepes. Now those were good... I really enjoy being able to cook. It feels so much more homey and domestic here than it does living in the dorms at Eastern. This is my house. I have a kitchen, a living room, a dining room, a bedroom, a bathroom, a study, a foyer, and a driveway. I unlock the front and side doors with my key and am greeted with stillness in the afternoons and raucous laughter and the smell of good food cooking when I come in the evenings. There are jokes made at each others' expense, bouts of giggles, and plenty of Hornblower.

I almost (but not really) feel sorry for Graham who has to put up with these 44 American students who run around in this house, often teasing him. As he teases us right back, I feel less sorry and will often join in the poking fun. He's really an amazing person and I'm glad he's our JD. I go to his church, where he has been kind enough to introduce me to some of his friends and help me get connected into the community. While I won't be going this week (I leave for the Lake District almost as soon as we get back from London on Thursday), I'm going to start going to Bible study at OCC.

I would say more about the amazingness of Oxford life, but as it is, Mr. Vaughan Williams is calling my name. Time to finish this paper. Betcha I can get it done before 15.00!

I'll procrastinate tomorrow...

So I really ought to be writing my paper (due September 30^th but I have a second one due the same day) and yet I am so very very distracted. My brain just wants to turn off and look at meaningless things rather than focus on real academic study. Such a pity.

On a typical day, I wake up at around seven or seven-fifteen, get up brush my teeth, get dressed, put on a little make-up, and go downstairs for breakfast. There is usually one or two other people up at this point and we bustle around the kitchen, boiling water for tea, fighting to get in the corner where the cabinets holding appropriate dishware are, and shuffling in and out, getting food from our various cabinets and refrigerators. I now have my own box of PG Tips, which I drink at least twice a day with milk and a tiny amount of sugar. I tend to eat granola or mueselli with skim milk, probiotic yogurt, juice, and tea for breakfast. I wash my dishes, put them away, and head upstairs to locate appropriate footwear and pack my backpack for the day ahead. I've been getting out the door at 8:30 the last few days, in an effort to arrive at Wycliffe in time for some (mostly) uninterrupted practice time. I bike through the cow pasture (yes really) and over Parks Road, onto Banbury Road, dodging cars, buses, cyclists, and worst of all, pedestrians. LOOK OUT FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY, PEOPLE!

I do like my time in almost empty Wycliffe in the mornings. It's peaceful. I sing whatever I feel like/need to. Sam (the junior dean at Crick. He's a real sweetheart and also a French horn player) comes in around quarter after to set up the computer and audio system for the day's Schama. I can tolerate him hearing me practice, a rare thing for me, who has issues allowing my parents to hear me practice. As more people filter in, I shut up and sit down. Tyler usually sits next me and Schama starts promptly at 9.30. Although I am almost always tired and struggling to stay awake I will confess to actually liking it.

After Schama is our half hour tea break in which we all hang out. Then it is lecture time. I have varying degrees of interest in the lectures they give us but most of them are pretty interesting. Lunch time is at 12.00. I have developed a strict 'don't ask don't tell' policy with the food. I've decided I just don't want to know what's in it. It is usually tolerable although the 'beef stroganoff' was just bad. I ate half of it and gave up.

Usually after lunch, the day is ours. About once a week, I have to head to the music faculty library to get my books but the rest of the time, I head back to the Vines, either going directly or most often making a stop somewhere else first. I like this arrangement because I'm usually one of the only people in the Vines when I get back so I squeeze in more practice time. More often than not, someone is upstairs or Graham is in his room and I know they can hear me but as long as I don't see anyone else while I'm practicing, it's okay. Usually.

My afternoons are spent doing homework, cooking, or otherwise goofing off, depending on the day, my mood, and the level of work dangling over my head like Damocles sword. I ought to be doing work now, in fact. Hmmm...

London Calling

I am back from London after a day of (mostly) fun. After all of us Vines people followed Graham to the bus station, we boarded the double decker bus and headed into the city. It's about a 90 minute ride in and I think I slept at least an hour of it. We got off at the Marble Arch where we met Simon and thus began our day.

It all started with a tour of some of London's poshest neighborhoods. You know... the neighborhoods where you're paying more for the name of the street than the stuff in the house. It was all very beautiful though. We proceeded from there to the Royal areas of the city, going through one of the royal parks and walking past Buckingham Palace. No, I did not meet anyone royal while there, nor did I witness the changing of the guard. We walked through another park at this point, making our way toward Trafalgar Square and seeing various sites along the way. We arrived in Trafalgar Square where the ultimate plan was that everyone would head into the National Gallery. Many of us, however, decided that it was time for lunch and headed to Pret a Manger. Let me just say that my sandwich was good but my yogurt was amazing. I could write a sonnet to this yogurt. It had shredded apples, pomegranate, cranberries, pistachios, and many delicious things in it. I want it...

After a leisurely lunch, Tyler and I had a scant fifteen minutes before we were to be meeting the group to head off to the underground. We stood outside, looking at the fountain and talking about... Methodism. Yes, you read correctly. We talked about John Wesley and our opinions on the United Methodist Church of today. I suppose this is what happens when you put two people who have grown up Methodist together.

We met the group and then proceeded to the Underground. We got out at the station nearest the Monument of the Great Fire of London. For the price of £2, I was afforded the privilege of climbing said monument. Basically, you go in and go up 200 feet (311 steps) of a spiral staircase. Graham was so kind as to remind me of my unadulterated hatred of spiral staircases as we were going up. Just when you think you'll never make it to the top, you come out onto the observation deck. Wow. The view was amazing. I lasted about five minutes out there before deciding me (and my stomach) were better served on the ground. Therefore, down the narrow spiral staircase I went and for my troubles, I was granted a certificate, proclaiming that I had, in fact, mounted the 311 steps. Whew.

Simon basically took us on a tour of the Great Fire of London and we wound our way very slowly toward St. Paul's Cathedral for Evensong. On the way, we went by the Tower of London (although we did not go inside). Once at St. Paul's, I was among the lucky few who scored a seat in the Chancel (choir loft). It was really cool. They had a men/boys choir. I will confess, however, that one of the soloists had some pitch issues which I could hear. Oh being a music major...

After Evensong, we went down to the Thames River Festival for dinner. To do so, we walked across the Millenium Bridge. Tyler and I wandered down the way to the food stalls. I purchased a coconut which the gentleman running the stall cut open for me and handed me with a straw. I drank all the water and thoroughly enjoyed it. I then made Tyler hold it while I got a sandwich from the Venezuelan food stall. We wandered down a ways, stopping outside the Globe Theatre (!!!) and meeting a few people for the group. At this point, I had my hands inside the coconut, tearing out the flesh to eat it. I will say, fresh coconut tastes very different from dry shredded coconut.

At 19.15, we headed back over the bridge, meeting Graham and John on the way and took some beautiful pictures of the sunset over the River Thames. The rest of the night was all Underground, Bus rides, and chasing Graham like ducklings trailing their parent. Life is good.

Up and At 'em, Tiger

It is quarter past seven on a Saturday morning. Some may wonder why in the world I am up. I assure you, this act is entirely voluntary. In about 90 minutes, I shall depart The Vines with my ultra fast walking Junior Dean and all the other Vines people who wish to catch the coach to London. At least, I think that's what I'm going to do. I currently cannot breathe out of the right side of my face so the temptation is to lie in bed. Hmmm...

This week has been very good. It has been full of walking and biking. Unfortunately, I blistered the first few days so that even my blisters had blisters. Luckily, I was able to pick up my bike on Monday afternoon from King's Cycle and have been riding it around ever since. In England (or at least in Oxford), a lot of people ride bikes. I have seen people in all sorts of attire cycling down the roadway, usually as they pass me. Here, there are bike lanes on almost every road (although not all) and all the drivers are used to dealing with people riding on bicycles around their cars. This is not to say that I am necessarily used to riding my bike in and among the cars. I'm getting there but I'm not wholly used to it yet. I did, however, manage to make it to Wycliffe Hall without a single moment of panic yesterday--a sweet success in my book.

Yesterday, I actually took an inventory of all the things that I am doing a bit different here. It has actually been just over a week since I have consumed soda or coffee. I have watched only one full movie and no TV. I have not procrastinated in working on my assignments and I have attempted to be more social than normal. I forced myself to face my fear of heights and actually climbed the tower at Salisbury Cathedral. The view was amazing,by the way.

In essence, England has been amazing right now and has already changed me. I am so pleased. I supposed I ought to get ready to go now though. Off to London!